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if your spouse has a problem with ed how can tthe female deal with the stress and emotional effects that goes along with it. if your spouse can get an erection with other sources but not with his spouse does that mean he is not interested with her anymore. knowing this i dont think i want to have him to touch me if i cant do anthing for him. it just leaves me more upset and angry

Optional Information:
Female , Age: 41

Already Tried:
romantic showers and baths touching and kissing

Customer (name blocked for privacy)

Status: Closed Value: $8

Your question seems very straight forward-but your reaction to his ED is obviously painful and life altering. I can tell you that his ED is not related to a reaction, or failed reaction to you, and tell you that ED often comes with varying responses to available stimuli (acheiving erections with certain stimuli-but not others). While this is true, it is much easier to say than it is to cope with on a daily basis. First, I would encourage you to find support involving others coping with ED from your perspective. This may be easier in a local support group or online forum, but will hopefully allow you to gain insight into your role, or lack of role, in his problem, in addition to providing the better suggestions for treatment and intimacy options. The following sites offer information in addition to support referrals/blogs/message boards etc. http://www.sda.uk.net/
http://www.healthcentral.com/erectile-dysfunction/
http://www.issm.info/prod/system/main/index.asp?page=/prod/data/issir/edbook/index.asp
http://www.healthcentral.com/erectile-dysfunction/websites.html

Your frustration is understandable, though each of you coping seperately with this issue may be leading to further estrangement. Seeing a couple's therapist may be critical in preserving your partnership, find one using the website referrals mentioned above, or talk to his Doctor for a referral.

I hope my information is helpful. If you have more questions, just ask! I will gladly help, otherwise please click "accept".
Positive feedback and any bonus would be appreciated. Thank you, Christy

Reply to Christy Hammond's Post: i dont understand how he can get aroused with other stuff but not with me. knowing that this is the case i dont want him to touch me because it was not me that got him there i dont know if he is making love to me or what do you understand what i mean. i have been diagnosed with severe depression and believe me this not not help

There are physical and mental factors that affect arousal and stimulation necessary for individuals with ED. The source of his ED, his psychological profile, your relationship proceeding the onset of the ED, and the specific physical factors involved are are possible variants in his ability to become aroused. Using secondary stimuli to become aroused, then make love with you may have it's own affect on your arousal and your concerns are valid and understandable. He may be willing to use whatever means needed to acheive intimacy with you, but using other means obviously makes the exchange feel less intimate to you. This is why a qualified sexual therapist could help individually and together to facilitate communication, make suggestions, provide supporting facts and help foster intimacy. A support group may be a welcome formum to find others who know your pain and even those who overcame it sucessfully. This is a negative stressor in terms of your depression, and it is important that you truly come to understand that you are not the cause of his ED, you can not fix his ED, and that you continue to participate in treatment for your depression.

I hope my information is helpful. If you have more questions, just ask! I will gladly help, otherwise please click "accept".
Positive feedback and any bonus would be appreciated. Thank you, Christy

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