When I was growing up my father had heart problems, was in and

When I was growing up my father had heart problems, was in and out of the hospital my entire childhood and told me he was going to die on a regular basis. My parents also told me I wasn't good enough or smart enough for college. Now I think I'm suffering from social phobias and having tremendous difficulty making friends because I don't want to get hurt if they die or move away. in all honesty, when I meet someone new, I think - I wonder how much longer this person has to live? I think of them dying and then I think about how i don't want to get emotionally attached and avoid the person. A lot of people think I'm stuck up or self absorbed. I'm not. I just avoid being hurt or criticized. After all, my parents, the people who were supposed to love me the most, told me I was no good and screwed me up. I am the first in my family to graduate college. I'm applying for lawschool but cannot overcome my social phobia and low self esteem issues. I feel I'm not good enough. How do I overcome it?

Customer (name blocked for privacy)

Hello Customer (name blocked for privacy),

I am sorry to hear of your issues and I hope I can give you some advice or guidance. It seems to me that you have taken the most important step here...identifying that you have a problem and you are even self aware enough to know why and how you have low self esteem. You know your parents were wrong, but it can be hard to integrate what you know to be true with messages you grew up with and learned as a child. I happen to find that rather impressive, actually, that you have that level of awareness.

As for not getting close to people because you fear they will die, well, by not getting close to them, they may as well have died, as you dont ever get close to them. If you never try, you end up not succeeding by default.

What I suggest because you do have this level of awareness is that you consider some form of counseling. Many people may feel stigmitized by a suggestion of therapy, but really, its no different than a treatment for a physical issue. If one hurts their leg, they use a band aid; if ones soul is hurt, therapy can be a good way to help heal that damage.

I have the best of intent, but I am not a therapist, and Just Answer cant really do the in depth counseling and treatment you may need. We (I) can certainly offer advice on your next step, and I do reccomend you see a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, or even a social worker who is qualified to do counseling.

I think law school itself is actually going to be helpful for you....the studies and curriculum are going to help you to have more self confidence in speaking and presenting your ideas and researched opinions. My sister is a lawyer and she found law school challenging and enjoyable. She even met her husband there.

And of course, if you feel suicidal or feel you will harm yourself, PLEASE call 911, and get the emergency help you would need in that event.

I wish you the best of luck,

Sincerely,

Susan

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When I was growing up my father had heart problems, was in ...

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