Can I ask - is this your first sexual relationship?

Have you had problems before with intimacy or orgasm?

What level of knowledge do you have in this area ?

I will try to help later on (about 5 hours from now) if you still need advice.

Regards

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No this is not my first sexual relationship, im diviorced with a 5 year old son, i've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and have never had this problem before. i have little to no knowledge on why this is happening to me. i've been on the ortho evera patch for two years, but this problem is really making my reletionship tough, i cant let it fall apart because i dont want intercourse all of a sudden. he has tried EVERYTHING to try and help me out ( and get me in the mood) i need help!!!! thank you for your relpy!! Katie1979

There are a number of reasons why women get this problem. The first is to establish whether there is any hormone imbalances. You could ask your doctor for a blood test and he may consider swaping the patch for an alternative contraceptive. You also need to consider whether you have any other medical problems or take any other medication as these can have an impact. For example thyroid deficiency or depression would have an impact on libido.

Also another factor that you need to consider is whether there is an underlying psychological reason why you don't want sex. This can include such reasons as fear of getting pregnant or being angry because you want another child but the situation is not right for another child. External or financial stresses can all play a factor too as your mind finds it impossible to let go and have fun. Self image can be important too so if you are feeling unactractive or overweight (even if its not true!) this can affect your desire for intimacy.

This website might be helpful:

http://familydoctor.org/612.xml

There are a few things to do. First take the pressure off. Tell your boyfriend that you love him and that there is no-one else but for a little while you are going to need cuddles rather than sex. Make time together away from pressure to have fun. You can spend this exploring each other's bodies if you like but it doesn't have to involve sex or intimacy. Have a weekend doing all the things you did when you were first dating, relax have fun. Look at the areas of your life that you are worrying about, see what you can do as a couple to put any problems right.

Finally if you are given the all clear medically, and the problem is psychological, consider a few sessions with a councellor just to offload.

I hope some of this is helpful.

Regards

__________________
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