From ages 23-30 i was diagnosed with rapid cycling bi polar. i was heavily medicated, spent a lot of time in the hospital and unfortunately had numerous attempts on my life. when i was 31, i believe by the grace of God it all left me. for almost 4 years i've enjoyed relative peace and a clear mind. i was even able to give up smoking 2 years ago. understandably i work about 70 hours a week. i enjoy my job. unfortunately once again though after a year and a half on the job i cracked. now i feel helpless. i feel like i lost something and i can't get it back. rest hasnt helped. my head hurts bad. ive had symptoms of the bipolar i suffered from so many years ago. i cant afford to drag my family down. i feel literally paralyzed with fear and held down. i've been off work for a week and a half. i also have an appointment with a psychiatrist august 1. i believe in the grace of god. i dont know what to do. im scared. this world in my experience doesn't seem to offer to much sympathy. i promised myself those years ago i never wanted to go onto psychiatric medication again. it almost killed me a few times and when i went off it cold turkey i felt it was a death sentance.
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Male , Age: 34
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